Author: Zara Nip
Hello, weary traveler. Remote learning has infected schools across the globe like a pandemic. It’s up to you to survive and make it through to June. Best of luck and may the odds be in your favor.
Welcome to “Online School v2.0”. Press “enter” to begin.
—> enter.
—> 21 September 2020. The dreaded day arrives. After half a year of vacation, school is back in business. In one of the thirteen emails sent by your school, you find out your first class starts at 9am sharp. You perfected your Zoom routine down to a T last year: roll over, join the zoom call, turn your camera and microphone off, sleep.
—> You oversleep and miss “tech check” at 8am, but everything seems to be in working condition. Your teacher forgets how to use and send Zoom links. Your new computer decides to overload. Press “next” to proceed.
—> next.
—> 28 September 2020. Your first week of online schooling has passed by in a flurry! New school guidelines say you must have your camera on. Your weekly screen time report states that you have spent a grand total of 28 hours, an average of 5.6 hours per day, on Zoom.
—> Your mom books an appointment at the optometrist, where you receive news that you have astigmatism and minor near sightedness. Your eye doctor is the first physical person besides your family that you have seen in three weeks. Press “next” to proceed.
—> next.
—> 21 December 2020. Three months of school rolls by in a breeze. You wear one shirt for two weeks. No one notices. You have taken a grand total of five tests and one quiz during that time.
—> You become a pro at “Google”. In other words, your grades look better than ever before! Press “next” to proceed.
—> next.
—> 13 January 2021. It’s time for your annual doctor visit! You gained 18 lbs. since last year.
—> You do weights for 23 minutes and 14 seconds before your arm tires. You move on to jumping jacks. Your downstairs neighbor, who you have never seen before, bangs on their ceiling, and yell-threatens to file a noise complaint. Press “next” to proceed.
—> next.
—> 24 February 2021. Happy birthday! You are now 16 years old. You attend five hours of classes and rush to finish your essay assignment due at midnight. Today would be a snow day if you were in person. Snow days are obsolete now.
—> Three friends send happy birthday messages on Facebook. You cry on a printed picture of double layered Oreo cheesecake your grandma sent. Press “next” to proceed.
—> next.
—> 16 March 2021. You finally have your first in class lesson at school! Someone coughs next to you.
—> You try to discreetly move away, but your classmate grabs you by the arm. Her hand is moist. The governor soon declares another state of emergency, and you are back to online school. Press “next” to proceed.
—> next.
—> 17 April 2021. Your little brother in middle school discovers Tik Tok and insists on flossing half naked behind you when you are in class.
—> You turn off your camera, but get in trouble with your teacher. You are sentenced to detention… online… next Saturday. Press “next” to proceed.
—> next.
—> 3 May 2021. It’s AP exam time AKA cram season! You are halfway through your biology textbook and a third of the way through your computer science textbook.
—> Your arms suddenly become a lot stronger from lifting your textbooks. Press “next” to proceed.
—> next.
—> 18 June 2021. Congratulations! You have completed an additional year of online schooling. You are finally fully vaccinated and have been taught by a real-life teacher for about one month.
—> You have completed approximately 78% of total planned coursework, but that doesn’t matter. You can finally see your friends and humans in their natural habitat! Press “next” to proceed.
You have completed one (1) year of online learning.
Press “next” to proceed to the 2021-2022 school year.
Press “go back” to rewind back to 21 September 2020.
—> go back.
—> Error 203! NoSuchFieldException.
—> next.
—> Error 165! RunTimeException.