Lesson Learned

by Zara Nip

Welcome to “Online Schooling v.1.0”. Press “enter” to begin.

—> enter.
—> 21 March 2020.  The teacher announces that turning off the camera and microphone functions during class was treason.
—> You forgot to capitalize your last name. Strike 1. Press “next” to proceed.

—> next.
—> 4 April 2020.  Charlie Baker extends online learning. The result is a 5 page document with rules regarding cameras (always on and frontward facing), microphones, appropriate school-regulated backgrounds (natural or none… unless you’re a teacher then you can have cows and grass as your background), PG rated clothing (), and three pages of etiquette in regards to participating in class, being kind to others, blah blah, blahhhhh. 
—> You changed your background to a picture of an Oreo. Strike 2. Press “next” to proceed.

—> next.
—> 15 June 2020? 28 May? Time is a social construct! Those fortunate enough to have split screen monitoring had the great privilege of surviving the third class of the day—another documentary about WWII or was it mitosis?—without resting their eyelids, as we fondly call it. 
—> You got caught sleeping during “Phases of Mitosis” at timestamp 10:37. Strike 3, and… you’re out. Press “next” to proceed.

—> next.
Beeeedooop *insert Microsoft powering down sound effect here*.
Loading last saved memory.
Error 56! No memory found since 17 March 2020.
Congratulations! You have failed one (1) year of online learning.
Press “next” to proceed to the 2020-2021 school year.
Press “go back” to rewind back to 1 January 2020.

—> go back.
—> Error 203! NoSuchFieldException.

—> next.
—> Error 165! RunTimeException.